Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Randomize
