Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
