you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
