so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
