Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
