All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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