i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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