Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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