i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
