Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
