just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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