i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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