I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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