My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
