I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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