i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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