Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
