is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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