Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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