He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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