STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
