I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
