ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
