you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm having to shit out rocks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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