garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
