i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
