some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
