taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
