There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
