first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
