i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize