maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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