I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
