It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
