You can't motorboat a personality
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
