He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
