I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize