I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
