So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
