What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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