that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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