there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
