I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
