I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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