oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
