today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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