ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
