420 ftw
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
