so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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