you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
